


Like Magnets

by ursus



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Pre-Relationship, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-10-26 19:47:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10793517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ursus/pseuds/ursus
Summary: This piece takes place directly after the SuperCorp couch scene in 02x18 Ace Reporter.“I will always be your friend. And I will always protect you,” Kara continues, and Lena’s eyes open at her words, “I promise.”The notion hits her like a ton of bricks: Kara will always protect her. And that’s when she puts all of the pieces together. She has had her suspicions about Supergirl’s identity for some time now - there were simply too many links between the hero and Kara Danvers to purely be a coincidence.Or, Lena Luthor fully realizes that Kara Danvers is Supergirl, and tries to figure out how to process that information and what it means for their friendship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come scream into the abyss with me over on tumblr: **planet-krypton.tumblr.com**
> 
> I'm not sure exactly how many chapters this story will end up being, but I do already have the entire thing mapped out. Also, just in case you guys dislike Mon-El as much as I do - not to worry, he's only in a few minor scenes.
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos if you can! Thanks so much! <3

It’s cold in her office. That’s the first thing she notices when she snaps out of her trance. Lena realizes she’s been staring off for some time now - her eyes had been trained on a random patch of her desk while her mind ran rampant with thoughts of Jack. Thoughts of their days in Metropolis, their dinner just a few nights ago, and of course, thoughts of Jack dying in her arms. Lena has no regrets about her decision to save Supergirl; after all, Jack couldn’t really be saved anyway, the nano-bots had fully merged with his body. She did regret, however, not making amends with Jack sooner. Just a few months ago she had briefly thought to call Jack and see how he was doing. She couldn’t recall why she ultimately decided not to do so.

But now her mind has gone blank, only regarding the chill in the room. She thinks to finally remove herself from her couch, and maybe make herself a warm cup of tea when she hears her office door open to her right. She's about to tell Hector, her newest assistant, to leave her be when she sees that the cause of the intrusion is Kara Danvers. She enters the room quietly and cautiously, looking to Lena with heavy eyes and a vase filled with an array of roses.

“Those are beautiful,” Lena says, peering at the flowers. Kara shrugs her shoulders slightly and makes to set the arrangement on the coffee table.

“I wish there was more I could do to help.”

“Well, you came to see me, that’s more than enough,” Lena’s eyes move upward to meet Kara’s.

“Beth is in jail-” Kara starts.

“Good,” Lena interrupts her firmly. Kara shifts uneasily in place, unsure of what to do next. She settles on sitting beside Lena on the couch while tossing her coat gently aside. She tries to move the conversation forward.

“How’re you holding up?” Kara asks.

“When Lex was arrested, my mother was there,” Lena starts while Kara listens intently, “My mother saw her son dragged, bleeding and raving, from her house and when I got there Lillian was tidying his room like he’d been away on a business trip. That’s how I feel: cold, and calm. UntiI I think about Beth dying in jail, and then I feel warm for a minute.”

“You’re in shock, Lena,” Kara shakes her head thoughtfully in response.

“No. Loss does strange things to my family, and I have lost a lot of people.”

“Well, you’re not gonna lose me,” Kara says determinedly. Lena regards her for a short moment, feeling her emotions rise in her chest. She thinks about how very few people she has in her life, and specifically about how very few people have stayed.

“I think when I feel things again I'm going to be very, very afraid... about the person I might be,” Lena answers solemnly.

Kara appears pained by Lena’s words. She shifts closer towards her on the couch, closing the gap between them. Kara then places her arm around Lena’s shoulders thoughtfully and tugs her in closer. Lena immediately notices Kara’s warmth and submits herself to it, grabbing for Kara’s hand on her shoulder.

“You don’t have to be afraid. I'm right here. And I'm not going anywhere,” Kara squeezes her gently, now allowing herself to rest her head against Lena’s.

“Promise?” Lena fights the tears forming in her eyes by shutting them.

“I will always be your friend. And I will always protect you,” Kara continues, and Lena’s eyes open at her words, “I promise.”

The notion hits her like a ton of bricks: Kara will always protect her. And that’s when she puts all of the pieces together. She has had her suspicions about Supergirl’s identity for some time now - there were simply too many links between the hero and Kara Danvers to purely be a coincidence. But somewhere deep within her mind Lena had retained a shred of doubt about her theory. Perhaps it was because she considered Kara to be her best friend and she had hoped that if it were true, Kara would’ve trusted her enough to tell her by now. Or perhaps it was due to Kara being the only person that had become her friend without agenda, and her being Supergirl complicated that assumption. Either way, Lena felt sure of it now, and there was no going back.

She lets Kara hold her for a while longer. Lena thinks that it may be the last time that they have a moment like this, now that she Knows, because surely things will have to change. She will have to put her guard up because Kara is a Super, and Lena is a Luthor, and that’s the way things have always been. She breathes in the scent of Kara - the hints of tea tree oil and roses - and tries to commit them to memory. She allows herself to fully sink into the comfort and warmth of Kara’s arms around her shoulders. Then, with one last deep breath and a gentle squeeze to Kara’s hand, she moves away from Kara’s grasp.

Kara releases her quickly and shuffles back on the couch towards her coat in response. Lena shoots her a polite smile.

“Thank you, Kara. I appreciate you coming over and listening to me whine,” She waves her hand about in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Lena, you weren’t whining. You have valid reasons to be upset right now. But if you ever did want to whine, I still wouldn’t mind listening,” Kara shoots her a kind smile, “I’m always around if you need someone to talk to. I meant what I said when I told you that I’m not going anywhere.”

They sit in relative silence for a short moment or two. Lena can’t quite bring herself to tell Kara to leave, but she feels uneasy and unsure of where they stand now. She needs time to herself to untangle the mess she’s just uncovered. Before she can delve too deeply into a tangent of thoughts, Kara shifts on the couch to retrieve her coat.

“Well, I should get going. I have a meeting with Snapper in a little while. He probably wants to rub it in my face that CatCo got the scoop on the whole nano-bot story,” Kara stands and makes to put her coat on. Lena rises to meet her.

“Right. The article,” Lena deadpans. Kara notices her general discomfort and tries to change the subject before Lena continues.

“I- I just realized I never got a chance to thank you for what you did. You could’ve taken that video of Jack and published it, or sent it straight to Supergirl, and instead, you brought it to me,” Lena glances towards her feet, “And I know I probably disappointed you when I went to go and talk to Jack anyway. But if I hadn’t done that, I probably wouldn’t have gotten the chance to see him one last time. So I am thankful to you, Kara, that you gave me the opportunity to do that.”

Before Lena can move away or stop it from happening, Kara is wrapping Lena in a tight hug. Lena resists at first - thinking of her intentions to start distancing herself from Kara and the whole Supergirl situation. But then she thinks of Kara’s warmth and how much time will likely pass before she’ll hug someone again and she submits herself to the embrace, gripping at her friend's back.

“Like I said, that’s what friends are for. No matter what, I will always put you first.”

 _Friends_ , Lena thinks to herself. She wonders if a Super and a Luthor could ever really ever be such a thing.

* * *

It’s only been a week, yet Lena is having a surprisingly difficult time keeping Kara at arm’s length. Lena attempts to evade her incessant texts by citing excuses like _“Sorry, lots of meetings today, can’t really talk”_ and _“Working on a big project. Have to devote all my time to it”_ but Kara is relentless. Though she’s considered it, Lena hasn’t yet revoked Kara’s full access to L Corp (she doesn’t want Kara to get the inkling that something weird is going on). This means that despite telling Kara she’s busy, her Superfriend still shows up regularly with coffee or lunch, and a thinly-veiled excuse to see Lena. Today happens to be another one of those occasions.

Lena has just finished up a meeting with a potential new investor and is taking the elevator to her office when she realizes she has yet to receive a text from Kara today. She’s torn between feeling relieved and disappointed at this realization - because Lena does want _space_ from Kara, but at the same time she _misses_ her friend. Especially when that friend is Kara Danvers: the girl who never gives up, the girl who has always stood by Lena, the girl who radiates literal sunshine wherever she is and whoever she’s with. But it’s the other half of her, Supergirl, that Lena doesn’t know and is wary of. She signed up (eagerly) for a friendship with Kara, but she didn’t make that same commitment to a Super, she thinks.

When her elevator ride comes to an end and the doors open, the object of her confusion greets her on the other side. Kara Danvers, wearing a navy dress with her hair in a ponytail, is sitting in the small waiting room near her assistant’s desk. Lena wonders what she did to deserve this.

“Lena!” Kara smiles widely and stands, “I was beginning to wonder if your meeting was ever going to end.”

“Kara,” Lena falters and glances to her watch, “I’m surprised to see you. How long have you been waiting?”

“Oh, um, just a little while, maybe an hour or so...” Kara mumbles past the question, “Anyway, no big deal, you’re here now! I thought I’d stop by and bring you lunch, see how you’re doing.”

Lena notes the white takeout bag reading “Noonan’s” in Kara’s arms and sighs. Kara always seems to have a radar for the occasions when Lena is skipping a meal. She thinks to let Kara down before even entering her office, but she caves in after taking note of the smile on Kara’s face. Lena nods in the general direction of her office doors and moves towards them. She and Kara both file in silently, and when the doors are shut again, Lena makes strides for her desk.

“Unfortunately, Kara, I don’t really have the time for a social call today. I’ve got a ton of meetings lined up, and-”

“Oh, uh, this isn’t a social call!” Kara interrupts her and struggles to find her words, “Yeah, I, um, came to get a quote from you, actually. For a piece I’m working on.”

“...Really?” Lena eyes her suspiciously, relaxing into her desk chair. Kara nods fervently in response and takes the seat on the opposite side of her desk. Carefully setting down the Noonan’s bag, she locates her notepad and pen and begins to scribble down some notes.

“Right. The article. So, I- I’m writing a piece on the National City Aquarium that just opened. And I was wondering if you had any opinion on that?”

Lena can’t help but release a grin - she can tell that the article is just another excuse to drop by. It’s difficult to be mad at Kara when she’s sitting in front of her all wide-eyed and goofy, her face full of determination.

“Why, exactly, would CatCo care about _my_ opinion on the new aquarium? I haven’t even been to see it,” Lena answers.

“Well, we could- we could go, if you want to. It could be fun! Then maybe you would have an opinion on it.”

“Kara...” Lena begins, before Kara cuts her off.

“Okay, fine!” She drops her notepad roughly on the desk, “Maybe I just wanted an excuse to talk to you. You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I think it was obvious that it was an excuse when you said the article was about the aquarium - which, by the way, hasn’t opened yet,” Lena smirks at Kara.

“Well, maybe- maybe I wanted your input on how the aquarium will impact the economy in National City or something? That’s something I’d ask you about,” Kara huffs out, “And anyway, you can’t skirt around the issue, Lena. I’m a reporter, remember? You’ve been avoiding me for days.”

Lena bites her lower lip in response and pushes back in her chair. She contemplates what to say. Obviously, she doesn’t want to clue Kara in that she knows she’s Supergirl. Who knows what kind of a commotion that would cause.

“I will admit that I have been a bit... distant. I’m just working through some things,” Lena offers a half-truth.

“You mean with what happened to Jack, right?” Kara asks quietly as if saying his name too loudly will cause Lena to break in two.

“Right,” Lena gives a stern nod, “What happened to Jack has been heartbreaking. And, frankly, the whole thing has been quite confusing. I’m just... Just trying to work through it on my own right now. That’s how I make sense of things. On my own. So I need some space from you while I do that.”

Lena lets her thoughts wander to a place of guilt over using Jack’s death as an excuse. While it’s true that Lena was torn up inside about Jack’s passing, it hadn’t been the primary thing to eat away at her. Lena found it strange that Kara had recently taken up more of her thoughts than Jack - but she had buried that realization and chalked it up to grief. _Grief makes people think and do odd things_ , Lena had thought. 

Kara breaks Lena’s daze by standing and rounding on her desk. When she reaches her, Kara sits carefully on the white vinyl of her workspace. Kara meets her eyes and then gingerly places her hand over Lena’s. Lena hesitates, as she always does, on whether or not to allow the touch or simply pull away.

“If space is what you need, I can give you that. But Lena, I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to isolate yourself and go through this alone because that’s all you’ve ever done. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can lean on those that care about you. You can lean on me.” Kara stares at her intently and squeezes her hand for emphasis.

Lena glances towards their linked hands and Kara follows her gaze, now running a timid thumb over Lena’s knuckles. Lena lets out a curt cough and retracts her hand.

“Thank you, Kara, really. But, truthfully, you’re one of the few that cares about me and I’ve leaned on you enough,” Kara attempts to interrupt her and Lena simply raises a hand in response, “Anyway, I really do appreciate you bringing me lunch and checking in on me. However, as I said, I have a few meetings that I need to prepare for.”

Kara nods slowly and stands, quietly retrieving her things from the other side of Lena’s desk. She heads for the exit before shooting one last look at Lena.

“I’m a phone call away if you change your mind. Bye, Lena.”

And with that Kara is gone, and somehow it feels as though she’s taken some of the room’s warmth with her.


	2. Chapter 2

Lena awakens to the harsh sound of jackhammers and groans loudly. She opens her eyes in a squint and checks her surroundings - the sun is peeking just barely through her blinds. _It’s too damn early for construction_ , she thinks. She reaches absently for her phone on impulse and unlocks it with ease: it’s 6:13 AM. Her alarm was scheduled to go off in a few minutes anyway, so she decides she’ll get up momentarily. After opening her messaging app, her thoughts fill with brief disappointment as she sees she has no “ _Good Morning!!! :) :)_ ” text from Kara (they had become somewhat of a constant that she would wake up to). She then remembers pushing Kara away and insisting that she needed space, and lets out a gruff sigh.

She ponders, for a moment, if she had made the right choice in distancing herself from her friend. After all, Kara is someone that actively cares about Lena - which was a rare occurrence for the C.E.O. Throughout Lena’s life it had felt as though those that she had become close to ultimately only valued her for her novelty as a member of the infamous Luthor clan, or simply because of her wealth. After being let down so many times she just stopped letting people in. Lena was used to living a somewhat solitary existence. But then Kara appeared, and they had a nearly instantaneous connection. They had known each other for months now, and Kara had yet to let Lena down even once. To the contrary, Kara had stood up for her on numerous occasions when others would have likely faltered. It’s a wonder to her that she hadn’t accepted that her friend was Supergirl sooner - her unwavering protectiveness over those that she cares for was one of Kara’s most obvious traits. It was apparent to Lena now that Supergirl and Kara were definitely one and the same.

However, none of that accounted for the last time a Super and a Luthor had been friends.

Almost instinctively, her thoughts shift to Lex. She remembers, towards the end of it all, when he broke down and told her about Clark Kent, and of how they shared a great many years of friendship (and even brotherhood) before he discovered that he was Superman. Lex had said that Kent used their relationship against him when all was said and done. Superman had busted into Luthor Corp with the knowledge he’d gained from Lex on a number of occasions, and even tried to appeal to Lex’s affinity for him in an effort to stop a number of business deals and plans that Luthor Corp had underway. Lex was manic at this point and nearing the end of his rope - but he still made it clear that he wished he’d never met Clark Kent. Lena knew that Lex had psychotic tendencies long before Superman came into the picture, but she had always wondered if it was Kent’s betrayal that truly pushed him to the brink. Though she knows logically that she and Kara are completely different people than Lex and Superman, there’s nothing that scares her more than the possibility of turning into her brother. She also can’t deny how utterly _afraid_ she is of being used, once again, for her Luthor name.

Lena glances to her phone again and realizes it’s nearing 6:45 AM, and she wonders how she had allowed herself to spend a solid 30 minutes thinking about Kara. She doesn’t like, nor understand, how her thoughts always seem to pull towards the young reporter - as if gravity is constantly tugging her into Kara’s orbit. It had been quite a long time since Lena had been so mentally consumed by someone, and so perhaps pushing Kara away had also been a defense mechanism in order to regain some of her mental autonomy. Whatever the reasoning was, however, it didn’t seem to be working.

She finally pulls herself out from beneath her thick duvet and makes for the kitchen. Lena allows herself to fall into her morning routine - start brewing a pot of coffee, place one slice of whole grain bread in the toaster, pull and prepare a few different fruits from her fridge, check her emails while waiting for the coffee to finish. She skims through a few emails she received in the middle of the night from Shanghai and then one from a board member she plans to meet with, until her eyes land on a message from her assistant with the subject “ _Letter from Jack Spheer_ ”. Her heart sinks, and she feels an instant pang of nausea. The coffee finishes brewing but she doesn’t dare reach for it - her eyes are glued to the message preview on the small screen before her. A moment or two passes before she finally brings herself to click on the email and read its contents:

“ _Ms. Luthor,_

_I was checking your voicemails when I heard a message that you received from Jason Lessard at Spheerical Industries. It seems that he will be taking over for Jack Spheer as C.E.O. Apparently, they were going through Mr. Spheer’s desk in order to retrieve his personal belongings and Mr. Lessard came across a letter that was addressed to you from Mr. Spheer. He said it’s sealed, and that he will be sending it to L Corp. today via courier service. If you can just confirm that you’d like to receive it, I’ll get a hold of the letter as soon as it arrives and ensure it reaches you._

_Regards,_

_Hector Garcia_

_Personal Assistant to Lena Luthor_

_L Corp._ ”

Lena hits reply immediately and types the following:

“ _Hector,_

_Thank you for letting me know. Yes, I would like to receive it as soon as possible._

_Regards,_

_Lena Luthor_

_Chief Executive Officer_

_L Corp._ ”

Her mind races. How could Jack have possibly written Lena a letter? And for what purpose? Lena wonders if maybe Jack had thoughts similar to her’s after they had broken up - perhaps he, too, had wanted to make amends. Lena’s thoughts then turn dark and she contemplates the possibility that Jack had written the letter out of anger after they’d broken up. _It’s a common therapeutic technique to write a letter expressing your anger to someone who has hurt you and never send it_ , Lena thinks. She knows this herself due to years of therapy at the hands of the Luthors.

* * *

 

Lena’s been at work for only two hours now, but it’s felt like an eternity. The letter from Jack has yet to arrive and although she’s meant to be working on some reports for her board meeting later this week, she’s been staring at the same string of numbers for 15 minutes now. Her head is swimming with thoughts of _Jack, Jack, Jack_ \- making it impossible for her to focus on the task at hand. She sighs and shuts her laptop, hands raising to press at her temples. Lena imagines herself a year ago, knee-deep in her research (and relationship) with Jack, and wonders how things got this way.

Her relationship with Jack was organic and innocent. After working together for several years they had fallen into a pattern - they shared most meals, crashed at each other’s places, and spent most waking moments together. Lena admired and relished Jack’s wit. It was only natural for their relationship to turn romantic, and that’s how Lena felt about it: as if it was a natural progression. Their time together was pure, it was easy, and it was expected. If two people spent that much time together and didn’t get sick of one another, surely they were meant to be. The list of people that Lena didn’t tire of was only a few names long, after all.

Jack was, for a very long time, Lena’s best friend. And when their relationship came to an end and she moved to National City, she lost the person that she held dearest. It wasn’t the same as losing her birth parents or Lex, but it was another loss all the same. She took a small comfort in the fact that if she ever _truly_ needed Jack he was only a phone call away - except now, when she grapples with the realization that it’s no longer an option.

Swiveling in her chair, Lena shuffles through a few stacks of paperwork on her desk in order to locate the small remote for the tv anchored to her office wall. When she finds it, she presses a button with ease, bringing the tv to life and then flicking through the channels until she stops on CatCo’s news network for National City. She allows the current story (which is about a teacher at a local elementary school who won some sort of award) to occupy her mind in an attempt to keep her thoughts about Jack at bay. The process is interrupted by a light knock at her door. After a brief moment, Hector pokes his head in.

“Ms. Luthor, the courier has just arrived with the letter from Mr. Spheer. Would you like it now?” Hector’s tone is quiet and nervous. Lena’s heart begins to thunder in her chest.

“Yes, that- that would be great. Thank you, Hector,” She gives a slight nod in his direction.

He slides through the crack in her office doors and makes quick steps to Lena’s desk. She makes a mental note of his demeanor - he’s shy and anxiety-ridden, as if being in her presence is something to be feared. She wonders how long he’ll last before he inevitably will need to be replaced, like every other assistant Lena’s had during her tenure as C.E.O. When he reaches Lena he doesn’t meet her eyes, instead glancing towards the empty coffee cup on the edge of her desk. He hands her the envelope, grabs the mug, and speaks one last time before turning away.

“Would you like anything else, Ms. Luthor? Perhaps another cup of coffee?”

“No, I’m fine, thank you. That’ll be all,” She replies dismissively.

Lena doesn’t dare look at the envelope until Hector is gone, afraid of what it might do to her to see her name in Jack’s handwriting. When she finally allows a glance towards the thin parchment in her hands, her reaction is just what she had expected - thick tears form in her eyes and make their way down her reddening cheeks. _Great, now I’ll have to fix my makeup_ , she thinks.

It’s a simple white envelope with her full name and home address written on the front, and she can tell that Jack had indeed handwritten it. It’s a bit messy (as if he had drawn the letters while in a hurry), but years of poring over his research notes had made her somewhat of an expert in his particular type of scrawl. In the left-hand corner he had written his own name and home address. She notes that there is, however, no stamp where one would typically be placed. It seems as though he may have debated sending it… Whatever _it_ is.

Her thoughts drift between wanting to forcefully rip the envelope open and not open it at all. _It’s a breach of privacy_ , she thinks, _to read something that Jack may have never wanted me to_. A lone tear falls from her right cheek onto the face of the envelope and lands squarely upon the “L” in Luthor, causing a swell of ink to smear. She lets out an audible “ _Oh no no no_ ” and scrambles for a tissue. She presses it at the wetness on the paper and begins to cry harder - the idea that she’s ruined the last piece of Jack she may ever have causes a pain in her chest.

A noise from behind Lena startles her. The television on the wall blares loudly with a Breaking News jingle and it flashes to an image of an anchor on location somewhere in National City. Lena shuffles in her seat and scrambles to find the remote in an effort to turn the device off. Before she can do so, the anchor begins to speak, and the words cause Lena to freeze in place.

“This is John Dawson at Americus Bank in downtown National City-” there are screams and shrieks in the background of the video, “There has been some sort of incident, and Supergirl is down. I repeat, Supergirl is down.”

Lena spins in place, envelope still in her fingers, and turns her full attention to the news anchor.

“The details are sparse. Both the FBI and NCPD are on the scene and telling civilians to evacuate the area. All we know so far is that some sort of alien being was spotted entering the bank - Supergirl landed on site a few minutes later and engaged in a brawl with that being. There are witness accounts saying that she lost the battle and did not appear to be breathing. We have reached out to the NCPD for comment and haven’t heard anything thus far.”

Lena feels nauseous. She reaches for her desk and tosses the envelope on it - it suddenly doesn’t seem important anymore, not when she hears that Kara might be gone. Her throat is impossibly dry, so she stands and makes her way over to her minibar to pour herself a glass of water. The anchor continues to report behind her.

“I’m going to read some tweets now from citizens that were in or around the bank for the battle. CatCo can’t corroborate all of these witness accounts, mind you, but it certainly does paint a gory picture of what happened here just a short while ago.”

Lena then turns to eye the television screen, reading each of the tweets and chugging her small glass of water.

 **Gary Edmund @ggbrtgr** : almost died at the bank today. holy s***. supergirl saved us but I didn’t see her make it out… wtf was that thing??? *blurry photo attached of giant orange _thing_ *

 **Mikey @pandeoo** : Heard explosions on the floors below me at work. NCPD called & told us to evacuate asap.

 **Kaitlyn N. @KaitlynNoro** : Was at bank dwntwn when giant creature busted thru doors. He picked up security guards and tossed them thru front windows…

 **Kaitlyn N. @KaitlynNoro** : ...Started to scream &break stuff, everyone tried to hide. SG showed up 2 mins later, intense battle, alien tried 2 throw ATM at a girl…

 **Kaitlyn N. @KaitlynNoro** : ...SG flew over 2 catch it, was distracted. Alien/creature pulled out a gun or s/t, flash of green light, SG was down& didn’t get up…

 **Kaitlyn N. @KaitlynNoro** : ...Creature stomped SG further into grnd, ran into back, ripped door off vault. Took something HUGE from inside.

 **Kaitlyn N. @KaitlynNoro** : ...Still no movement from SG. NCPD flooded lobby few mins later, got us out. Taking statements now.

 **José Martinez @jomar905** : JUST SAW ALIEN ATTACK AT AMERICUS BANK! STAY AWAY & STAY SAFE!!!!

 **Susan Keiko @suziek_812** : OMG, I was getting on the bus when I heard an explosion over at the bank and saw a blinding flash of green light!!! D: I just started running as fast as I could

 **NCPD INFO @NCPDNOW** : There has been an incident at the Americus Bank building on 12th & Foster St. We advise all to avoid & evacuate area.

 **NCPD INFO @NCPDNOW** : @c_n_k778 We can confirm that Supergirl and an alien threat were on scene. No other info to provide at this time.

Lena feels incredible guilt and dread surge through her veins. _Kara can’t be dead_ , she thinks, _not after I just lost Jack, too_. She stumbles back to her desk chair, the envelope from Jack now all but forgotten. Though Lena had been the one to put their friendship on hold she couldn’t deny that she still cares deeply for Kara. It was difficult for her to imagine a National City that didn’t have Kara in it - if her light went out, the city would be a much darker, colder place. And not to mention all the people that would be in danger if Supergirl ceased to exist, too.

Before she can think twice, Lena feels an inexplicable urge to call Kara. She desperately retrieves her cell phone from her purse and when she finds it, she flicks through her contacts and hovers her index finger over the words “Kara Danvers”. _It’s not as if she would answer - she’s buried in 3 feet of concrete right now, you fool_ , she thinks to herself. Lena shakes herself free of the moment and drops her phone back into her purse before she can do something she’ll regret (like leaving Kara a hysterical voicemail).

She turns her attention back to the television screen for a while longer. Though she tries to work on her board meeting reports and flounders through a conference call after lunch, her thoughts always return to _Kara, Kara, Kara_. She refreshes CatCo’s website every ten minutes in hopes of any news on the hero. The day presses forward extremely slowly and after the sun has long since set, she finally accepts that there will be no update on her friend today.

Lena gathers up her belongings and heads to L Corp’s lobby. She feels like taking the 25 minute walk home in order to clear her mind rather than be driven in a town car - but the city just doesn’t seem as safe without Supergirl patrolling the skies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me over on tumblr at **planet-krypton.tumblr.com**
> 
> Side note: Don't worry folks, I would have tagged this story as "major character death" if that's where I was taking it. :) Additionally, I hope you guys don't mind a chapter where there's no Kara/Lena interaction - I thought, personally, that it was important to give Lena some alone time and allow her some character development on her own. I think it will serve the story better over all.
> 
> Also, **I'm looking for a beta to read my stuff if anyone is interested**! If you are, please shoot me a message on tumblr or comment on the chapter and I'll reach out to you.
> 
> And as always, please comment or leave kudos if you enjoyed what you read. Thanks so much!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Three days have passed since Supergirl’s fall, but the world has yet to hear any express confirmation of her fate. It seems it’s all that any of the news networks can talk about (CatCo is practically planning her memorial), and the NCPD has been so inundated with requests for comments that they’ve stopped responding altogether. CatCo has called in every “expert” on heroes that they could find to comment on the situation - most have drawn the conclusion that Supergirl is indeed deceased. After hearing it repeated time and time again, Lena had begun to simply mute the television. Her own thoughts were morbid enough without hearing endless broadcasts declaring her best friend dead.

But then a reporter had come on, interviewing a professor from Gotham who has studied Superman extensively, and who the previous day had suggested that she may simply be recovering. This opinion had piqued Lena’s interest greatly. She had turned to face the television head-on and increased the volume, listening intently.

“If she’s alive and healing somewhere, as you suggest, wouldn’t the NCPD or FBI want the world to know that she survived? Isn’t it important for the public to know that she’ll return?” The anchor had peppered the professor with questions.

“Sure, it’s important for the public to know. However, I think it may be a strategic move for the ‘powers that be’ to express ambiguity about her condition right now. If they told the world that she was injured but alive, that would leave her vulnerable to attack by any number of criminals or villains,” He had spoken with animated hands, “If she is truly dead, I don’t believe there could be any reason for them to not have alerted the press by now. In my opinion, it’s safe for the citizens of National City to hold out hope a while longer for their heroine.”

Lena couldn’t help but release a deep breath upon hearing this. Although she had wanted to place some distance between herself and Kara, she certainly wished her friend no ill will. And so, thus far, Lena had done just as the professor had said - she continued to hope that Kara was alive.

* * *

 

The following day, Lena wakes in the same way that she always does - rolling over to check her phone and feeling a quiet ache when she discovers she still has no texts from Kara. _Why even bother at this point_ , she wonders. She wants to kick herself for feeling disappointment at the inevitable each and every morning.

After forcing herself out of bed and making a small breakfast, she finds a seat at her kitchen’s island and slowly sips her coffee. She reaches out across the granite to pull her purse closer to her. Once the bag is in her grasp, Lena plucks Jack’s letter out from amongst its other contents and holds it in her fingers tenderly. For the first time since receiving it, she turns it over in her hands and eyes the back of the envelope. Jack had scrawled some sort of doodle, along with a sloppy note in the corner that says “ _Call Marcus for lunch_ ”.

The discovery nearly causes Lena to break down. _If Jack was planning to send me this, there’s no way he would’ve used it as scrap paper,_ she thinks. In her despair, she shoves the letter back into her bag and pushes the entire thing as far away as she can.

Her mind shifts to Kara - of how badly she wants to hear from her, of how she needs her advice. _Kara would know what to say_ , she thinks.

It’s then that Lena calls CatCo’s main line. She’s going out on a limb, but she’s determined to find out if Kara’s been to work recently. After all, if Kara is really just a journalist, she’d have been at work reporting the news this week, not missing in action.

After being transferred several times, she finally reaches the writer’s department at CatCo Magazine, and asks to speak to Kara Danvers. There’s a heavy pause on the other end of the line.

“Kara Danvers hasn’t been to work in several days,” The voice finally answers.

Lena reels when the words land. _Of course Kara hasn’t been to work,_ she thinks, _I should have already known that_. But she can’t stop herself from seeking out further information.

“Okay. Well, do you know why? Did she give a reason for her absence?” Lena pleads.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to divulge confidential information like that.”

“Could you at least tell me when she’ll be back?” Lena’s voice wavers until she devises a good reason to want information on Kara, “We were working on a story together. She- she was supposed to interview me. About the aquarium.”

“All we know is that she’s gone indefinitely. Her stories in progress have all been assigned to other writers. Is it OK if I you on hold while I try to figure out who’s covering the aquarium story now?”

“No, no. That’s not necessary. Thank you for the information,” Lena hangs up before the voice on the other end can protest.

Lena feels a deep pain in her chest. It feels a lot like confirmation - it feels like _knowing_ \- knowing that Kara is really Supergirl, knowing that Kara is really gone. She stands abruptly, taking her small breakfast plate in her hands, and chucks the entire thing into the trash without a second thought.

* * *

 

A few hours have passed, and Lena has been trying to occupy her time by focusing on her work. After taking a short break from her current task, Lena glances down to the planner on her desk and makes a mental note of the meeting she has to go to in 15 minutes. She then opens Keynote on her computer and browses through the presentation that Hector has prepared for her. It’s a fairly simple and straightforward look at L Corp’s pharmaceutical department, the expansion of which is the subject of Lena’s argument. She pulls up a slide discussing the financial implications of this venture and tries to focus on the task at hand - but the overpowering thumping in her chest is making it nearly impossible.

She’s been through a lot in her life, but nothing has ever been so emotionally draining that it’s kept Lena from functioning at work. She’s always found great comfort in numbers and deadlines - she could be living in hell on Earth and still find the strength to engineer some new game-changing product. But this past week, between the letter from Jack and the news - or lack of news - of Supergirl’s condition, she hasn’t really felt connected to her duties at L Corp. She even allowed Hector to prepare her slideshow, something she would never have delegated under normal circumstances.

With this realization in mind, Lena stands, steadies herself, and heads straight for her minibar. Initially intending to have a sip of scotch to calm her nerves, she reaches instead for a small pill bottle in the back of a drawer. Eying the label, she reads “XANAX 10mg” and pops one into her mouth, washing it down with a quick sip of water. Lena heaves a deep sigh and heads back towards her desk to retrieve her laptop for her upcoming meeting.

30 minutes into her presentation, Lena notices her right hand begining to shake. She tucks it into the pocket of her blazer and attempts to continue - now discussing the current trends in pharmaceutical stocks around the globe. Luckily, none of her colleagues seem to notice. Instead, their eyes are fixed on the massive chart being projected onto the wall. A man towards the far end of the room coughs lightly and makes to ask a question.

“Ms. Luthor, if I may,” He then points towards the chart, “You’ve been discussing next year’s stock projections for over 10 minutes now… But this diagram is for last year’s numbers.”

Lena’s face turns rosy and she scrambles to her computer, fumbling through a number of slides, until she finds the correct one. She’s held hundreds of presentations all over the globe, yet in this moment she feels completely foreign to the process. It hits her hard, to be so uncomfortable doing something she’s always been so good at. Lena decides that something will have to be done about her emotional state - she’ll be damned if she’ll allow something so petty to interfere with her business dealings.

When her meeting finally comes to an end, rather than mingle with her colleagues she makes a beeline for the elevator to her office. After the short ride to her floor, the elevator doors push open, and she sees Hector shoot her a tentative smile from his desk.

“Welcome back, Ms. Luthor. How was your presentation?”

Lena makes her way towards him, mentally deciding whether or not she should be honest about how the meeting really went. She opts for a half truth.

“It went a little longer than I would have liked, but it was mostly fine.”

“I see,” Hector nods, “Well, you’ve got about an hour until your conference call with the offices in London and Shanghai. Is there anything I can do for you in the meantime?”

“Yes, actually,” Lena swallows, and taps Hector’s desk lightly, “I need you to cancel the conference call and... make an appointment for me to see my therapist, instead. I’m fairly certain you can find her contact information among Jess’ old notes. Tell her it’s urgent, and that I’ll pay her triple to cancel on whoever she was meant to be seeing.”

Hector’s eyes bulge - he clearly hadn’t realized that Lena had ever seen a therapist. He gathers himself and immediately begins typing something on his computer.

“Of course, Ms. Luthor. Shall I call a car for you when it’s time for your appointment?”

“That would be great, thank you,” Lena steps away from his desk and towards her office doors. Once inside, she shuts them gently behind her and leans back on the dark grain. She brings her hands to her face and massages her eyelids gently. It’s always been difficult for Lena to admit when she needs help - but L Corp is all that she has, and she’ll do whatever it takes to ensure that she can continue to push the company forward.

* * *

 

When Lena enters her therapist’s office, she rolls her eyes at the gentle flute-like music that greets her. _You’re the one that asked to be here - you can leave at any time_ , she reminds herself. Before she can change her mind, a woman she recognizes rounds the corner, smiling at her. Lena lets out a breath of air.

“Ah, Lena! It’s so good to see you! What’s it been, two months now?” The woman nearing Lena teases her gently. She reaches out to shake Lena’s hand.

“Hi, Jen. Good to be here. And yeah, something like that. You know how it goes, running a business and all. I barely have any time to myself as it is,” Lena accepts the outstretched palm in her own. They stand there for a moment, smiling at one another, unsure of what to say. Beneath the woman’s smile, Lena thinks she reads something like _I don’t really believe you didn’t have the time_ , but it might just be her imagination.

“Well, why don’t you head for my office and take a seat on the couch. I’ll grab us some water and join you in just a minute.”

Lena does as she’s been told and makes for the office. She enters through the small doorway and shrugs her coat off, placing it on a coat rack in the corner. She sits on the leather couch, and crossing her legs, regards the room. It’s a quaint space, four walls, a couch, a short armchair, and a modern metal desk off to the side. The view, however, is spectacular - one wall is taken up almost entirely by a massive window overlooking the bay. Lena’s choice of this particular therapist had been heavily influenced by the view from this particular window.

The therapist, Jennifer Nguyen (Jen, as she instructed Lena to call her), was someone Lena had been seeing ever since she moved to National City. She’d met with her a handful of times - enough for Jen to know all about Lena’s family, dating history, and her complicated relationship with L Corp. Lena had mostly visited her in the past to vent about things that she couldn’t talk to others about. But then she had met Kara, and through all of their discussions over various lunch dates, visiting her therapist hadn’t seemed as necessary any more (which is why she hasn’t been in several months).

After a moment or two of staring out at the bay, Lena sees Jen slip into the room with two glasses of water. She passes one to Lena who quietly thanks her in return, before sitting comfortably in the armchair across from her. She takes a tiny sip before speaking.

“So, I must admit that I wasn’t surprised to hear from your assistant. I had thought that it was only going to be a matter of time before you came back in to see me.”

Lena tilts her head to the side, as if silently asking _Why_? Jen returns her question with gentle eyes before continuing.

“Jack Spheer’s death made big waves on the National City news circuit. I’ve been thinking of you over the past few days, wondering how you’ve been coping with that.”

“Ah, of course,” Lena replies, fiddling with the hem of her blouse, “The past week has been… difficult, certainly.”

Jen seems to await a further response from Lena - but when she doesn’t offer one, she presses for more information.

“When’s the last time you spoke with Jack? Back when you were leaving Metropolis?”

“No, actually. We spoke pretty recently,” Lena responds. She contemplates how much information she wants to provide, knowing that the details of Jack’s death weren’t public. Lena then remembers how her hands shook during her presentation earlier, and how she had called CatCo out of desperation, and she gives in.

“This isn’t publically available… But I was with Jack. When he passed, I mean. He came to town for a press conference, and then we had dinner… Talked about old times. And then a few nights later, I went to see him, and that’s when…” Lena trails off, unsure of how to finish the sentence. She can feel the tears beginning to well in her eyes, and fights them desperately. She hadn’t thought much about Jack ever since Kara had been declared Possibly Dead - but it’s clear to her now that suppressing those thoughts hadn’t done her any good. Jen interrupts her train of thought.

“Oh, Lena. That’s... Something like that can be incredibly traumatic,” She reaches for a box of tissues on her desk, and then moves to give them to Lena, “I’m truly sorry you had to experience that.”

Lena takes the tissue box in her hands and stares at it intently. For the first time since it happened, she allows herself to mentally recall the details of losing Jack. She remembers her hands on his chest, feeling his final breaths, and turning to see Supergirl starring sympathetically from behind her. She remembers trailing her fingers through his hair, over his eyelids, across his cheeks. And then she realizes that hot tears are pouring down her face.

And for the first time since Jack died, she doesn’t fight the tears, nor mind the salt tracks that they leave on her cheeks. They simply fall, and Jen watches her with a soft face. In the heat of this moment, Lena realizes just how much she _misses_ Jack. Kara might still be out there somewhere - but Jack is definitely gone forever.

After wiping at her eyes with a tissue, Lena looks up to meet Jen’s gaze. She nods kindly to encourage Lena to talk to her, and so she does. She retells the story of Jack coming to National City. She talks about the conference with Kara, and dinner with Jack. She sobs through the story of their rekindled romance - the intensity of the moment in her office, and then Jack leaving suddenly. Lena whispers through the part of the story when she ends Jack’s life, and of how she had no choice, because Supergirl was at risk. She covers it from beginning to end in pieces, until finally, she tells Jen of the letter that was delivered to her office posthumously.

“Did you happen to bring it with you?” Jen asks curiously. Lena nods in response and reaches for her purse. Rummaging through its contents, she locates the thin envelope before handing it to the counselor.

“Wow,” Jen holds it to the light, taking note of the smear of ink on the front, “And I can see that you haven’t opened it yet. Why is that?”

“I just… I couldn’t bring myself to, I suppose. Frankly, I’m not sure if he intended for me to see it at all. It looks to me like he was using it as scrap paper,” Lena gestures towards it with her right hand. Jen eyes the writing on the back of the envelope.

“Hmm. While that may be so, it’s obvious from what you’ve said about your last few days together that he trusted you, and perhaps even regretted that your relationship came to an end in the first place. That suggests, to me, he probably wouldn’t have minded for you to have something that had your name on it,” Jen reaches to Lena and gives her back the envelope. Lena shrugs and sets it in her lap.

“I can’t decide what the right thing to do is. To open, or not to open,” Lena gives a soft, sad laugh and sniffles into a tissue.

“Lena, as you know, I try to not give people _advice_ per se. So, I’m not going to tell you what to do here,” Jen shifts in her seat and takes mental note that their session is nearly over, “But I do think there are a few things you need to hear right now - and so if I need to be the person to say them to you, I will.”

Lena finds herself surprised by Jen’s candor. She clenches her fists, tissues buried deeply within both.

“The first thing you need to hear is that this isn’t your fault. Okay? The nanobots - he was already gone,” Jen points out, and Lena begins to cry again, “And I’m sure you feel guilty regardless. But you shouldn’t feel guilty, Lena. Guilt is an emotion which won’t serve you whatsoever in coping with your grief.”

Jen pauses. Lena nearly laughs at Jen’s words: _You shouldn’t feel guilty._ Guilt is an emotion that Lena was quite familiar with. She had felt guilty when Lex had nearly killed Superman - _maybe if I had tried harder to stop his descent into madness it wouldn’t have happened,_ she had thought. She had felt guilty when she discovered that her mother was leading Cadmus - _maybe if I hadn’t been blind to her behavior I could have stopped her before she kidnapped Kara_ , she had thought. And of course, she had felt guilty when the news reported that Supergirl was probably dead - _maybe I shouldn’t have pushed Kara away after all_ , she had thought.

And that’s when she realizes that Jen is right. Despite burdening herself with guilt over the actions of others, she was still no closer to any resolution of her emotional distress. She relaxes slightly.

“The second thing that you need to hear is that you’re allowed to grieve. We’ve been meeting for some time now, despite our little hiatus, so I like to think that I know you well. I know you have a tendency to bury yourself in your work and push through things. But trying to push yourself through something like this is only going to result in more pain further down the road,” Jen takes a break, and sips at her water. She looks to Lena carefully before speaking a final time.

“The next thing that you need to hear is that it’s okay to open the letter,” Jen starts, and Lena attempts to interrupt her, “Now, listen, I’m not saying that you _should_ , necessarily, or that you _shouldn’t_ , for that matter. I just want you to know that it’s okay if you do. Whatever Jack’s wishes may or may not have been, you’ll never know. And you can’t operate as if you _do_ know or that if you ponder it some more, you’ll figure it out.”

Lena peers down at the letter, still in her lap. She pictures Jack writing it, sealing it, and taking the time to place it carefully within his desk drawer. Maybe - just maybe - it wouldn’t be a cardinal sin to open the thing at some point.

“And the last thing I’d like to tell you is that I’m so sorry for your loss. I truly am.”

Lena nods thoughtfully. She had forgotten how nice it was to visit with her therapist - and how, somehow, she always knew what to say. Lena glances at her watch quickly, now realizing that her session has gone 5 minutes over. Jen always was too polite to tell her when it was time to leave. She wipes her eyes again before reaching for her purse.

“Thanks so much for seeing me. I’m glad I came,” Lena combs through her bag, locates her wallet, and then makes to retrieve her credit card from it.

“Of course! I’m here whenever you need me,” Jen replies, voice sincere, “But I do hope you have others around, in your day to day life, that you can talk to. They will be instrumental to your getting through this tough time.”

Lena scoffs at the words and passes her card over. Jen tilts her head questioningly.

“No? What about your friend, Kara?” Jen reaches for her iPad and presses at it carefully, attempting to open the app she uses for client payments. Lena falters for a short moment - completely unprepared to talk about Kara. That was a whole other topic for an entirely different session. She decides to keep it short and attempts to be casual.

“We… aren’t speaking, at the moment.”

“Oh, I see. What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?” Jen runs Lena’s credit card through a small card reader protruding from her iPad’s headphone jack.

“I discovered a secret that she had been keeping from me,” Lena offers. Jen then turns to pass both the credit card and the iPad to Lena for her to provide a signature.

“Hmm. Secrets are tough,” Jen leans back in her chair thoughtfully, “Was she keeping this secret from you to hurt you?”

Lena signs the iPad while shaking her head in response to the other woman’s question. Wordlessly, she moves to replace her credit card in her wallet. Jen opts to provide one final piece of wisdom before allowing Lena to leave her office.

“Sometimes the choices that people make, though they may impact us, have nothing to do with us,” Jen then stands to walk Lena out, “If I were you, I would take a moment to consider what battles are worth fighting. Friends are important to have around, especially in times of great crisis. Only you can decide what the right thing to do is because only you know the circumstance, but maybe you should mull it over.”

 _If only she knew that I couldn’t forgive her even if I wanted to, considering she’s likely dead,_ she thinks. Despite the session being a success, Lena is eager to be alone and take some time to contemplate their discussion. She stands to meet Jen and thanks her for the words of wisdom. Lena then tells her that she’ll speak to her soon - even though they both know that she probably won’t. She gathers her purse and coat, and when she’s back outside the words _friends are important to have around_ resonate throughout her skull.

* * *

 

When Lena arrives back at her apartment later that day, she cherishes the silence that greets her. She tugs her coat off quickly and - Chanel be damned - tosses it away rather than place it gently on her rack. She makes a few short strides to her kitchen and surveys the wine bottles she has on display in an ornate cabinet. There’s a bottle of _2000 Cheval Blanc_ that she’s been saving for a particularly special occasion, but something about today makes her feel like she deserves it. She pulls it from its snug spot and places it on the kitchen island. Lena locates her trusty corkscrew and admires the _pop!_ noise that the bottle makes when she removes the cork. In one fluid motion, she pours herself a glass of the dark liquid and brings it to her nose, basking in its scent.

After enjoying three glasses of the overpriced wine, Lena’s sprawled out across the couch. She hears her phone vibrate in her purse on the coffee table and goes to retrieve it. When she does, she sees the preview of text from Hector that says “ _Hi Ms. Luthor, I just wanted to let you know that I need to take the next three days off from work…_ ” She huffs and opts to not respond, instead making to drop her phone back into her bag. When she does, her hand grazes the letter from Jack. She stares at it - as if it’s something foreign and unexpected - and can’t help but tug it towards her.

She remembers what Jen had said, about how it would be okay to open the letter. She thinks of Jack, and of what he would actually do and say if he were alive. She finally acknowledges to herself that he wouldn’t be upset. Knowing Jack, she realizes that he would probably laugh and maybe be a bit embarrassed, but it would be _okay_.

So she settles herself fully against the cushions of her couch and decides, just then, that she deserves the closure. Her thumb moves along the back crease of the envelope, and she makes a tear in the paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come scream with me over on tumblr at **planet-krypton.tumblr.com**
> 
> Sooooo, cliffhanger, anybody? Who else is ready for Lena to open the letter now?
> 
> As always, if you enjoyed what you read, please leave a comment or kudos so I know that I'm doing something right! :)
> 
> Lastly, I'd like to give a special thanks to my beta, Erle. Erle is much better with grammar and tenses than I am, ha.


	4. Chapter 4

After making her first tear at the back of the envelope, Lena pauses. She can feel the heavy weight of all the wine she’s had settling deep within her stomach, and a slight wooziness overcomes her. She thinks it might be a better, more responsible option to wait and open the letter at a time when she isn’t verging on total drunkenness. However, she also realizes that she may not be brave enough to do so without the mask of alcohol to boost her confidence.

The internal conflict is brief, due to her overwhelming desire to find out what Jack’s words were. She then shakes herself free of the moment and decides, once and for all, that it’s time. Lena can practically feel the letter radiating through her fingertips.

She continues to make a long rip in the paper along the edge of the envelope. With her index finger and thumb, she slowly extracts the letter and holds it out in front of her. With a sigh, Lena unfolds the off-white sheet. She takes in Jack’s lazy handwriting beneath her fingertips, and, slowly and lovingly, reads the last piece of him she will ever have.

* * *

_"Lena,_

_I’ve tried to write you this letter countless times now, but I’ve found it nearly impossible to find all of the words I want to say to you._

_To put it simply… I was wrong. I was so, so devastatingly wrong when I let you go. Or, I suppose, when I pushed you away._

_At the time, I thought your decision was all about me; how I must have not really have been that important to you, or how you must not have truly cared for me. I know now that it was all rubbish. Instead of trying to understand what you were going through and be there for you like I should’ve been, I gave you an ultimatum. I put you in an impossible situation and you made the best choice that you could make for yourself. You were right not to choose me, back then. I didn’t deserve you._

_You are the most talented, striking, amazing woman to have ever walked the Earth… and I was a complete fool. You see, I was so completely invested in my vision of our future together that when that vision was threatened, I couldn’t handle it. I used to be so angry at you, until I woke up one morning and realised that I was really just angry with myself._

_The truth is that I was about to ask you to marry me the night you left. Did you know that? Knowing you, maybe you already had an inkling that it was coming. I’d already bought the ring and everything. It was sitting in my right coat pocket that night, and it’s been there ever since. Haven’t had the heart to return it yet._

_I know that this doesn’t change anything between us. You’re ruling the world from National City, and I’m still the twat in Metropolis that let you go. But I can’t bear to think that I could die in some distant future without having told you all of this._

_And who knows? Maybe after some time has passed, you might even decide to give me a second chance. I could take you out and apologize to you in person. Though, to be honest, it had better be in Metropolis, because I hear the food in National City just isn’t as good._

_Either way, I wish you the best, Lena. You deserve nothing less._

_All my love,_

_Jack”_

* * *

Lena is sure that she feels her heart stop momentarily.

The cocktail of sadness and confusion that Lena has ruminating inside of her suddenly feels deadly. She doesn’t know what to do with her hands or how to process the feeling of the walls closing in around her. What was once an expansive living room now feels like a broom closet, where nothing exists besides Lena and the letter in her open palms.

She lowers her eyes to catch the sentence _The truth is that I was about to ask you to marry me_ and she finds herself rereading it several times over. It almost doesn’t make sense - that Jack had nearly asked Lena to marry him. Lena had always wanted to wait on the marriage front. She had known for years that there was still _so much_ for her to do in terms of her career and what she had to offer the world, that tying herself down in that way just didn’t make _sense_.

The rest of the letter, however, sets fire to Lena and burns her down to the core. She doesn’t know when she started crying, just that the tears are falling, and there’s no way she can stop them.

It’s overwhelming, really. Although the letter occupies less than a page, it says a _lot_ , and Lena hates knowing that she’ll never be able to respond. A frenzied feeling courses through her veins, and in an instant she’s off the couch and pacing around her living room. The urge to talk to Kara overwhelms her, and she finds herself suddenly nearing the edge of her balcony, eyes tracing the skies for any sign of the girl in the red cape.

 _Screw it_ , she mumbles to herself. Before she can think twice, she strides back into the living room and plucks her phone from her purse. Clutching it like a lifeline, she frantically searches through her contacts. After clumsily scrolling for a few moments (and passing over the name a few times), she stops on Kara Danvers and presses the screen. There’s a short delay before she can hear a quiet ringing sound, and when she does, she presses the phone against her flushed cheek.

It rings once. Lena tries to steel herself and mentally prepare for what she’ll say to Kara’s voicemail. It rings twice, then three times. She lets out an abrupt cough to stop the shake she knows will inevitably come through her voice. It rings a fourth time, and then a fifth. By ring number six, Lena decides that the idea was a bust and opts to hang up before -

“Hello? Lena?”

Lena feels her eyes go wide when she hears Kara’s voice on the other end of the phone. A beat passes, and she realizes that she has absolutely no idea what to say. She hadn’t even considered the possibility that Kara would pick up due to Supergirl’s disappearance nearly a week ago.

“Lena? Are you there?” Kara asks. Lena can hear a thin line of exhaustion in her friend’s voice.

“Y- yes. I’m here, sorry. Hi, Kara. I honestly didn’t expect you to answer.”

“Why wouldn’t I have answered?” Kara’s voice increases in pitch like it often does when she’s hiding something. Lena falters and struggles to find a valid excuse.

“Oh, just, you know. I called CatCo at one point to get a hold of you...” Lena sniffles, struggling to keep her voice even, “about… that aquarium article. They said that you’d been gone for a few days.”

“Right. The aquarium article,” Kara’s voice is laced with confusion, “The one that I used as an excuse to talk to you?”

“Yep, that’s the one!” A drunken laugh escapes Lena. She can feel a small embarrassment rising through her cheeks, though thanks to the wine she hardly cares.

“They ended up assigning that piece to another reporter-” Kara’s thought process is cut off by a man’s voice in the background, “Hold on a second, Lena.”

Lena can barely make out a discussion that Kara is having with someone on the other end of the line. Though the individual words are hazy, she can detect an irritation and impatience in Kara’s voice. Then there’s silence, and the sound of a door opening and closing, and Kara has returned to her.

“Hey, sorry about that. That was just Mike,” Kara huffs, “Anyway, Lena, what’s going on? You sound a little upset.”

The genuine concern in Kara’s voice cuts into her deeply. She then realizes the weight of her intrusion - that Kara had been busy doing something else, and that Lena may be _bothering_ her.

“It’s nothing, honestly. I didn’t mean interrupt your evening,” Lena attempts to be casual, but her voice cracks, “I should let you get back to it.”

“Lena, no. You’re not interrupting anything, really. Just…” Kara’s voice trails off.

“Just what?”

Kara hesitates before answering, “Just… I don’t know. You said you wanted to work through everything on your own. But you also sound like you’re upset and I want to be there for you.”

Lena doesn’t know what to say, or what to do. A deep part of her aches for Kara - she longs for the comfort of having Kara’s arms wrapped around her shoulders, and the feeling of being _listened to_ even if she isn’t saying much, just crying. Another part of her hates that Kara has such a firm grip on her emotions. Lena isn’t used to trusting anyone with that much power over her.

And that’s when the tears begin again, despite Lena’s best attempts to stifle them. She can barely keep it together and form a coherent response.

“I shouldn’t have called you. I- I don’t know what I was thinking,” She whispers, “Call it a moment of weakness.”

Kara sighs heavily on the other end of the phone, and simply listens as Lena tries to cover up her soft cries. Lena thinks to say goodbye and hang up before making the situation worse, but Kara speaks before she has the chance.

“No. You know what? I’m coming over, Lena.”

Lena attempts to protest until she notices that Kara has already ended the call. Knowing that Kara is a Super, she figures that she only has a few brief moments before her friend will be tearing down her front door.

She tosses her phone on one of the couch cushions near her and immediately moves to pour herself another glass of wine. _It’s going to be a long night_ , she thinks.

* * *

20 minutes pass and Lena can hardly believe it - because 20 minutes in Kara-time is _2 years_. Lena’s lost count of the number of times she’s made impromptu plans with Kara only to have her mysteriously appear only a short minute or two later.

20 minutes is long enough that Lena has finished her fourth glass of wine (the last of the bottle), with time to spare to mull over how deeply she regrets calling Kara. She wonders what Kara will think when she arrives and sees the mess Lena’s made (and, honestly, the mess that Lena is). There’s the empty wine bottle and a surplus of crumpled tissues sprawled out across the coffee table. Lena doesn’t look much better - her mascara is smeared, cheeks rosy, eyes terribly glassy, and her expensive skirt is so wrinkled that she’s not sure how she’ll repair it after this evening.

She realizes how utterly _embarrassing_ it is to have Kara see her this way, as she’s always tried to look her absolute best whenever her friend is around. Lena wants to get up and fix her makeup before it’s too late, but first her eyes catch on the letter from Jack. It sits open on the couch, and the sight of it haunts Lena. She moves quickly to fold and put it away - not wanting Kara to see it - when she hears a gentle knocking from her front door.

The letter in her grasp, she freezes. Lena contemplates shoving it between the couch cushions for a moment, and in her drunken state she nearly does - until she realizes that doing so may bend the paper. _This final piece of Jack is too important for that_ , she thinks. So instead, she places it back on the coffee table, and drags her feet to the front door. Once there, she hesitates again, hand hovering just above the door knob.

“Come on, Lena. Open up. I know you’re there,” Lena can hear Kara’s mumbled voice through the metal of the door.

 _Damn her super-senses_ , Lena thinks. She then takes a deep breath and pulls the door open.

The sight in front of Lena is unlike any other she’s ever seen. Kara Danvers is standing in the hallway, wearing navy pants and a button up… But she doesn’t _look_ like Kara Danvers. She looks like a torn-down version of herself - face rife with exhaustion, a slouched posture, and an overall paleness to her cheeks. Due to the wine in Lena’s belly, and the fact that she’s already been crying for an hour now, the vision of Kara being so weak causes her eyes to fill with tears once more. She closes them instantly and brings a palm to cover them.

The next thing she feels is two arms encircling her shoulders as Kara pulls her into a tight hug. It’s not as warm or strong as the hugs she’s used to Kara giving her, but Lena doesn’t care because it’s exactly what she needs. She grabs back, fingers hooking in the back of Kara’s shirt.

Lena begins to weep into the blonde of Kara’s hair. She weeps for Jack - who was once her best friend and lover, who was the smartest man she’d known, who died too soon, who had _wanted to marry her_. She weeps for Kara - who has always been far too kind to Lena, who always sees the best in everyone she met, who radiates warmth and sunlight, and who had been ready to sacrifice that very warmth and sunlight to keep the citizens of National City _safe_.

But most of all, she realizes that she weeps for herself. She weeps because she’s so tired after living a life full of emotional hardship and loss. She weeps because everyone she’s ever become close to has left, in one way or another. She weeps because - in her darkest moments - she thinks that she just may _deserve_ it all.

Kara breaks the spell, grabbing her gently by the hand and leading them both to the couch. She pulls Lena down with her and they both plop into it - Kara guiding her friend with a hand on the small of her back. They sit flush up against one another, Kara placing a sore arm over Lena’s shoulders. It feels all too familiar, aside from the fact that Lena is four glasses of wine into the evening. Kara eyes the empty bottle suspiciously on the table, taking note that Lena must have drunk the whole thing by herself.

“I’m so sorry about all of this. You must think I’m some sort of babbling fool,” Lena releases a watery smile. She reaches for a tissue and brings it to her nose.

“No. You know I could never think that about you,” Kara replies while shaking her head, voice barely a whisper.

Lena blows into the tissue, “I didn’t know who else to call. I just… I’m not handling this very well, obviously.”

“You can always call me,” Kara squeezes Lena’s shoulder, “I hate to ask… But is this only about Jack passing away? Or is there something else going on?”

 _If only she knew_ , Lena thinks. The emotional whirlwind that was Lena’s past week isn’t only because of Jack’s death, of course - but she figures now is not an appropriate time to broach the Supergirl subject, especially with Kara looking like she’s just been run over by a truck. _That is a conversation for another time_ , she decides.

Lena’s thoughts then shift to the letter. She had never intended to show it to Kara - it was something deeply personal between her and Jack, and it somehow felt like a breach of Jack’s privacy to allow a stranger’s eyes to see it. But then Lena recalls what Jen said about never being able to know Jack’s wishes, and how she shouldn’t make assumptions. All she knows is that with Kara’s arm slung over her shoulder she feels more at peace than she has in a week. She feels herself wishing that she could sink deeply into the couch with Kara wrapped around her. She wants to keep Kara here, like this, for as long as possible - so that maybe she’ll never be at risk of being so injured ever again.

That realization alone, in her alcohol-induced haze, is enough for Lena to decide that Kara makes the cut - that despite all her super-strength, she can be trusted with something so delicate as the letter from Jack, and by extension, with Lena’s emotions.

She moves slightly under Kara’s grasp and leads her hands to the paper. With one fluid motion, Lena brings the letter to Kara’s chest and presses it into her. Kara glances down at it with questioning eyes before using her free hand to take it.

“What is this?”

Lena shifts under Kara. In return, Kara retracts her arm from where it had been holding Lena, and grasps the letter with both hands. She opens it slowly.

“It’s a letter. From Jack,” Lena attempts to sound impassive and Kara’s gaze snaps to meet her, “It was delivered to me after he died. I suppose he had already written it and had it stashed away in his office somewhere. His successor found it and delivered it to me.”

The words strike Kara in the chest and she turns away. Lena thinks she can spot a tear falling from her friend’s cheek but she can’t be sure. _It’s just the wine playing tricks on me_ , she thinks.

“And you’re positive that you’re okay with me reading this?” Kara’s voice sounds small and hesitant.

Lena answers simply, “Yeah, I think so.”

Kara nods and ducks her head, finally allowing her eyes to see the words on the page. Lena watches her as she reads - trying to register whatever emotion Kara may be feeling. At first, her expression is unchanging. By the time she’s halfway down the page, Kara gives a sharp intake of breath, and reflexively reaches out to Lena, grabbing for her with her right hand. Lena relaxes into the gesture and allows their fingers to intertwine.

After another moment of silent reading, Kara folds the letter with her free hand and places it gently back into its spot on the coffee table. Turning to face her, Lena can finally see that Kara’s eyes actually _are_ a bit red, as if she’d just been on the verge of tears.

“No wonder you were upset, Lena. That’s a lot to take in.”

Lena peers down at their joined hands, “I know why I’ve been crying, obviously, but why are you tearing up?”

Kara seems surprised by the question and flounders briefly, finally looking away from Lena’s face to the mountain of tissues.

“I don’t like seeing someone I care about so distressed. It’s tough to see you like this and know that there’s not a lot I can really do to help.”

She reels at the admission that Kara _cares_ about her. This is something she had known logically, but it’s different hearing the actual words coming from her friend’s lips. Lena catches herself staring at them and has to will herself to look away.

“Kara, you being here does more for me than you realize,” She tugs gently at her friend’s hand to gather her attention, “I missed you. I missed this.”

Kara beams at Lena, “I missed you too.”

They sit, gazes fixed on one another for a bit, until Lena finds the silence that surrounds them to be deafening. She makes to say something to fill it.

“I appreciate you coming over, in any case. I hope I didn’t steal you away from anything important.”

Kara shakes her head dismissively, “Oh, don’t worry about it. Mike had cooked us dinner since I’d been, um, out of town for a while. But it’s not a big deal. I told him I could just heat mine up later.”

“I see. Where’d you go, anyway?” Lena tilts her head to the side in a question. She revels in the opportunity to see if Kara will be _honest_ with her about where she’s really been for the past week.

“Uhhh,” Kara brings her left hand to her glasses and fiddles with the frame, “Family emergency. Had to go back to Midvale.”

Lena nods in response. She contemplates calling Kara out or pointing out the fallacies in her story, but ultimately she lets it go. _There’s been enough hurt for one evening_ , she decides. Kara is clearly anxious to change the subject, so she moves the conversation forward.

“Anyway, when did you find out about the letter?”

“I’ve had it for about a week now but I couldn’t bring myself to open it until this evening. And that decision probably had something to do with all the alcohol I consumed,” A sad chuckle escapes Lena. Kara doesn’t laugh.

“Really? Wow. If it was me I probably would have ripped it open as soon as I got it. Not knowing what it said would drive me crazy.”

“As you can see, it did drive me a little crazy,” Lena deadpans and looks down, “I just wasn’t sure that I was supposed to see what he had written. But I guess I’ll never be sure of that.”

“I don’t think that’s something you need to worry about. He loved you, Lena.”

Kara squeezes Lena’s hand in a supportive way and runs a thumb along her knuckles. The move almost startles Lena - she’d completely forgotten that they’d been holding hands. She then brings her attention up to Kara’s face, meeting her friend’s eyes. Kara is giving her a look filled with pure affection and the sight of it rattles Lena. She feels her palm go clammy and begins to retract it from Kara’s grasp in response.

She thinks she sees a hint of sadness wash across Kara’s features at the move - but it’s gone in an instant as a wave of alcohol coats Lena’s brain. _Oh god, that last glass is finally hitting me_ , she thinks.

“Yeah, it probably wasn’t a good idea for you to drink an entire bottle of wine by yourself…” Kara says teasingly. Lena freezes, feeling completely disoriented.

“Wait, I said that out loud?”

Kara just laughs in response and nods her head. She gently pats at Lena’s knee, and then leaves her hand there for a moment.

“I’m guessing now would _not_ be the best time to talk about what Jack said, then. We should probably wait until you’re sober,” Kara retracts her hand from its place on Lena’s skirt.

“No, no. I shouldn’t run from this anymore. I think I need to talk about it,” Lena says determinedly, “If I don’t do it now, I’ll probably never get the words out. And you’re the only person I trust enough to discuss this with.”

Lena surprises herself with her own admission. She registers surprise on Kara’s face too, followed by an overall softening of her features.

“Okay. So what are you thinking?” Kara asks quietly.

“I think I’m incredibly sad, but also confused.”

Kara considers this briefly before going further, “Let’s start with the first part and go from there. What about it do you find sad?”

“Besides the entire thing? It’s a letter from my dead ex-boyfriend, Kara.”

Lena registers that her response hurts Kara a little, because she shifts uncomfortably on the couch and looks down at her hands in her lap. She feels guilty almost immediately.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be cruel,” Lena sways slightly, “I’m just not… used to this. Having a friend and discussing my feelings with them. I don’t know.”

Kara answers simply, “I know. It’s alright.”

She waits for Kara to continue, but when she doesn’t, she realizes that it’s her turn to answer the original question. She reaches out for the letter once more and, unfolding it, brings it to her lap.

“It’s sad that he thought the entire breakup was his fault, I suppose. We both had our fair share of the blame. I think I could’ve tried harder to get him to understand that I didn’t _have_ to choose between him and the business.”

Kara can sense the sorrow building from within Lena and, being the tactile person she is, moves to engulf Lena with an arm on her shoulder once more. Lena welcomes the touch and sags into it.

“I didn’t really try to fight for the relationship,” She fiddles with the edge of the paper, “At the first sign of resistance from him I just… left.”

Lena’s hazy mind drifts to Jack and she reimagines their final disagreement. She remembers his hand on her arm, stopping her from placing the last of her belongings in a box. She remembers him saying _That’s it? You’re leaving, just like that?_ and the pain that radiated through his voice. She remembers saying nothing - instead ripping her arm from his grip and moving to finish packing the box. _I never did answer him_ , she thinks.

A dampness forms at the corner of Lena’s eyes and Kara silently reaches for a tissue, then passing it to Lena. She dabs at her eyes with it.

“I can’t believe… I always thought that maybe _someday_ , we’d catch up and I’d tell him all of this. I’d tell him that I wasn’t fair to him. I was so naive, thinking that he’d always be around, and that whenever I decided I was ready to talk to him, he’d be readily available,” She lays her palm on the letter, “I think I finally realized, just today, that I’m never going to be able to do that.”

Kara leans her head against the black of Lena’s hair, “Oh, Lena. You aren’t naive. There was no way you could have known this was going to happen.”

Tears begin to streak down Lena’s cheeks once again. Kara must notice, because she tightens her hold and places a tentative kiss on Lena’s head. The gesture only causes Lena to cry harder.

“I just don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?” Kara whispers into Lena’s hair.

“I don’t understand why he had to die,” Lena gasps for air between sobs, “Jack never got into dangerous situations - he was always s- so careful. Even in the lab he’d make us wear _goggles_ when we were performing rudimentary experiments with _inert chemicals_. Can you believe that? And he’s the one that had to go and die? I’m the one running head-first into danger and _Jack_ is the one that no longer exists? I just… I don’t.... I can’t understand any of this.”

Kara moves a few inches away from Lena in order to get a look at her face. Her eyes are wide, and her voice is thick with concern.

“Lena, you can’t think that way. Your life and the fact that you’re alive, despite the dangers you’ve encountered recently, has absolutely nothing to do with Jack. You know that.”

“I- I don’t know that. And I can’t make sense of…” Lena brings her palms to her face and covers her eyes.

“Can’t make sense of what?” Kara asks, voice tender.

Lena shakes her head, hands unmoving, “Why on Earth he’d want to marry me.”

* * *

After a long while, Kara has finally managed to calm Lena down. She wraps her in a throw blanket that she finds in the guest bedroom, and then moves promptly into the kitchen to fetch Lena a glass of cold water. Lena watches her wearily from her spot on the couch and tugs the blanket tighter over her lap.

“Why are you so nice to me?” Lena whispers, almost to herself. She then remembers that her friend has super-hearing and instantly regrets saying it aloud.

Kara smiles in her direction, “Because you deserve it.”

Lena can’t think clearly enough to form a response, so she just watches Kara finish dropping ice into the glass instead. Kara then steps quickly back to her friend’s side, where she holds it out for Lena.

“Here, you should drink this. It’ll make you feel better.”

Lena reluctantly accepts the glass from Kara and draws it to her lips, taking a small sip. Kara moves around her and sits beside her on the couch with a thud. She watches Lena closely.

“So…” Kara speaks slowly, “What Jack said about marrying you… Was that something you two had talked about before?”

Lena shifts, setting the glass on the coffee table, “Sort of. I mean, we had talked about the possibility, of course. But it was never something that we intended to do anytime _soon_. Or, at least, that’s what I thought.”

“It caught you off guard,” Kara says, voice full of understanding. Lena nods at her.

“Yeah, you could say that. I thought we were on the same page. We were both so invested in our work,” She focuses her vision on Kara, “And we were young. There was so much ahead of us - I thought if we ever got married, it wouldn’t be for at least ten years or so.”

Lena then realizes what had truly been eating away at her ever since she’d read the letter’s contents. The fact that Jack had wanted to marry her, when it was something so low on her priority list, had struck a chord deep within her. It didn’t feel _right._ It felt like the action of someone who didn’t know her very well - someone who didn’t really understand Lena or her view of the world. Lena had thought that she found someone entirely like-minded in Jack, but the letter contradicted that idea.

She had hoped that the letter would somehow bring her closer to Jack. It was another heartbreak on its own to discover that it just made him feel further away.

Kara tilts her head while looking at Lena, “I can’t imagine what that feels like. To think you really know someone, but then you find out there’s a whole other piece of who they are that you can’t understand. It must be devastating. No wonder you were so upset.”

Lena could almost laugh at the words if they weren’t so damning. The parallel between what Kara is saying and the fact that she’s Supergirl is almost _too_ obvious to Lena. It brings her thought process back to Kara and their current predicament. There’s still a trepidation within Lena - buried deeply - that is fearful of Supergirl, and of the fact that she’s a Luthor, and the undeniably negative connotation those two things have. She can’t deny that it terrifies her to think that they could become anything like those who came before them.

But then, with Kara sitting in front of her, she just doesn’t know how that’s possible. Kara’s looking at Lena with nothing but _care_ and _warmth_. Lena can feel the wall she’s built between them slowly crumbling, completely powerless to stop it.

Lena reaches for Kara’s hand, “Will you stay? With me?”

Kara grins brightly at Lena and takes the outstretched hand in her own. Before she can answer, Lena thinks to speak again to provide (what she considers to be) a much-needed clarification.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight... You being here has helped me immensely. I know I’ve probably ruined your evening, and that it’s a lot to ask-”

“Of course. If you need me, I’m here.”

It’s then that Lena feels the final barricade she had placed between herself and Kara fall - it shatters in pieces on the couch between them. _Who cares if she’s Supergirl_ , Lena thinks, _when she looks at me like that_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come scream with me on tumblr: **[planet-krypton.tumblr.com](http://www.planet-krypton.tumblr.com)**
> 
> I just joined this awesome writer's group for people who write fics for Supergirl. [Check 'em out here](http://www.superauthorsnetwork.tumblr.com), they're all amazing!
> 
> If you like what you read, please leave a comment and/or kudos so I know I'm doing something right!
> 
> Lastly, shout-out to all the people that took a look at this chapter for me: [Shelby](http://www.darlinglena.tumblr.com), [Ryder](http://www.cuddlyreyes.tumblr.com), & Erle!


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